Monday, 29 December 2008

My Brain: Comment with Plane Matt

These days all I hear about from friends and relatives and people who stop me on the street and say "Oh hey Matt, did you hear they're building a new road? I'm going to eat some vegetables before it's too late."

I always say to them: "Listen person I just met. Just because they're using concrete doesn't mean they won't plant some trees in and around the place. We're not going to run out of oxygen you idiot."

As I left QEQM a thought suddenly occurred to me: What if we were all made of liquorice?

The bang on the face had done me good and despite promises of a bleak winter and the murmurings that someone was going to build something somewhere I slept easily knowing that at least come 2010 everything will be thriving and I'll be made of £10 notes.

"had some wine"

I opened a bottle of red in the evening and then thought: "Sod it" and had some wine instead which was a good move considering the day I'd had.

Anyway at least the economic situation is on the up and we can all look forward to liquorice from high street favourite Woolworths for years to come.

"grab a cat"

As I'm a columnist I should probably leave you with some political bias of some sort so I'll just say all politicians are awful, awful people and I once saw one grab a cat and throw it at a pensioner before kicking some gravel at a Dachshund.

Oh and the bins. What a mess. They could attract seagulls or something. And society in general is just really quite bad.

See you next week.

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