Monday, 29 December 2008

Bag contains "nuts"

An Asda bag full of groceries was discovered in Acol last night and local bloggers have been dishing the dirt on its contents.

One local blogger, known for his irreverent style, listed the contents which included: Some Kellogg's cornflakes, a bag of nuts, some milk, a loaf of Warburtons white toasty loaf and a bag of rocket.

Kent Police's Serious Organised Crime and Kellogg's Squad (SOCK) were called in to investigate the claims that this bag in some way incriminated the person who had bought the items from the supermarket.

"Everything is okay."

Insp Kevin Phillips from SOCK said: "At this moment we have no comment to make about the items in the alleged bag that were allegedly stolen from Asda. Allegedly. I will however say that sales from Asda are not on the rise and everything is okay. So I'm told."

Blogger Nut McCreedy said the whole thing was a "disgrace" and plans to write a musical over the whole farce.

He said: "What I don't understand is why anyone does anything and we sit around drinking tea. Surely someone should think of the children, won't someone please think of the children. My plan is to then go into the middle eight with a choir singing rum-a-tum-tum over and over until the hall closes or a music promoter hears us."

Council officials have denied claims that any councillors shop at the discount store saying most of them prefer to shop at Waitrose and "wouldn't be seen dead" shopping in a store that has clothes with a mans name.


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